1. The Top Ten ways to tell if you are taking your training too seriously. [note: this could also be a list to determine if you are a normal ultrarunner.]

2. And, for those DRS die-hards: "You know you are a dead runner when...". Hilarious for those familiar with the DRS family.

3. A lovely poem by Michael Musca, about being a runner. Not at all sappy(!)

4. Okay, this one may take some prelim' explaining: there was a conversation going on on DRS, and someone noticed that, in the subject line from a post Tracey had posted, the letter 'r' was missing from the word 'world'. Due to the inexplicable spelling of Miss Tracey's last name, this was my theory about what was going on.... I still giggle every time I read it; I think I must have been on a killer sugar rush when I wrote it. ;-D

From ewell@usa.net Mon Dec  8 07:56:22 1997
Date: Fri, 02 May 1997 14:26:53 -0600
From: "Mark E. Ewell" 
To: drs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
Subject: Top Ten

Top Ten Ways to Tell You're Taking Your Training Too Seriously:

10.  You're obsessed with the color of your urine
9.  When someone talks about miles per gallon, you automatically think of
how far you can run without taking a drink of water.
8.  You establish a line of credit at the all-you-can-eat pasta bar
7.  You could wear nothing but race t-shirts and not do laundry for six weeks
6.  2:30 marathoners suggest you ease up a bit
5.  You replace your training shoes more often than you get your hair cut
4.  When people ask you how far a 5k is, you answer "3.105" instead of
"three miles"/You refer to a 5k as a 5000.
3.  You get a volume discount on Peak Bars
2.  You read Runner's World with a highlighter in hand
1.  Given the choice between a shower and a run, you choose the run.
* You get DRS in mail mode

From vida@direct.ca Mon Dec  8 07:56:36 1997
Date: Fri, 06 Jun 1997 23:31:46 -0700
From: "Vida J. Morkunas" 
To: drs 
Subject: YOU KNOW YOU ARE A DEAD RUNNER

    [The following text is in the "ISO-8859-1" character set]
    [Your display is set for the "DEC-MCS" character set]
    [Some characters may be displayed incorrectly]

YESSSSSS !!

The entries are in !!  And it's still Friday here in Vancouver, for another
30 minutes.  Made it to the deadline [oof !]  Thank you all for your
contributions, and your great sense of humour and observation !! Here are
the entries, and to me, they all ring true !!

So, in no particular order, and without further ado...



YOU KNOW YOU ARE A DEAD RUNNER WHEN...

...you find yourself singing jimp filks throughout the day.  (Paula Palka)

.......you look at an atlas and points on the maps remind you of the Deads
that live and post from there. (Vida Morkunas)

......you run off more calories than you eat in a day....before breakfast!
(Max W. Cottrell)

........You have checked your Dead birthorder by Dave Comb's birthday list
(Vida Morkunas)

...you realize that the Ancyent Marathoner is a real person and not a book
of fiction that you read in high school English. (barri cae mallin)

.....In the middle of a race, you start mentally writing your race report.
(Jim Puckett)

......you spend as much time on the 'Net as you do on the road! (Johnson
Darrell)

......you know the nicknames of at least 2 dozen DRS'ers, and forget your
kid's middle name.  (Or...you know 2 dozen *DRSers'* kid's names... Silas
Britches ... )  (Andrea Feucht)

......You get hit-and-run'ned and still keep on running.  (Rob Truver)

.....You use the word "goomies" in a conversation and can't figure out why
everyone looks confused. (Jonathan Beverly)

....You are invited to a pot-luck dinner and you bring GU to share. (Paula
R Palka)

.....You do figure-8's and make airplane noises while waiting to cross the
street. (Jim Puckett)

......You ask the race director what kind of post-race goomies they'll be
having. (If he actually ANSWERS, then he's a dead too :) (Jim Puckett)

.....You walk up to a person and say  "I'm Jim Puckett nice to meet you."
You get a blank stare.  You know "jimp@theborg.sunquest.com"  ...and all
of a sudden it makes sense to everyone.  Not that JimP needs the help
but... (Jason Mayfield)

......You refuse to enter any more races until your DRS singlet arrives in
the mail. (Andrea Feucht)

......Your training partner is virtual, you have never met, and you don't
live on the same side of the ocean but s/he is the best motivator you have
ever had. (Vida Morkunas)

....You have a spare room that's seen a good bit of use - but the visitors
are all people that you never met in person until they showed up. (Jim
Puckett)

......Any conversation you have about running has references to the list,
i.e. "you have a blister?  Just yesterday on the list we were talking about
those!  Let me go print it out for you..." (Andrea Feucht)

...(Males only): You pause at the urinal, trying to remember if you are an
over-the-top or a through. (Jim Puckett)

......Your ONLY source of running info is the list (you don't have time to
read anything else, except RW, and you read that quickly so you can check
your email to see what everyone else said about the new issue) (Andrea
Feucht)

.....You own a photoalbum with some pictures of people you have never met,
but you know their life and running histories in detail (Vida Morkunas)

.....You travel half-way across the country (world, etc.) to see in person
those others who share your addiction, and to spend a weekend doing things
that would be perfectly easy to accomplish at home (running, drinking beer,
eating).  (Andrea Feucht)

......You know you're a DEAD Runner when you're willing to wade through
seemingly endless posts filled with $.02 about sprinters or some such
nonsense in hopes of finding some rare gem of a post from Dr. Mary Fuka
about eating the heart of the 5K winner on toast points.  "Like a jewel in
an Ethiop's ear"  (Kevin P. Kepley)

......2000+ people know that you have green toenails, lovehandles ;), body
piercings and/or "food digestion problems" and you think this is *good*.
(Andrea Feucht)

......You have cut a date short so you can go home and catch up on the
latest thread  - or to compose a post. (Vida Morkunas)

......You check your email 5 times a day, and it takes an hour each time.
(Andrea Feucht)

.....You match the Boston qualification standards just to have a reason to
get into the Dead dinner encounter on the Saturday (Tore P. Olsen)

......You gage just how long you have been on the list by counting the
number of times you have seen the rebirth of the current thread (Vida
Morkunas)

.....The mention of Bubba does not mean the President of the United States
(barrie cae mallin)

.....You realize that you have moved five times, to five different cities,
and you still chat with the same friends every day - net.friends :)
Meanwhile,  you've not met any neighbors. (Jim Puckett)

......You take that left turn on the trail, just so you can write about it
later. (Vida Morkunas)



THANKS EVERYONE !!!  If you have any additions to this, send them to me - I
will repost a revised list in a month or so.  Watch this space tomorrow
(yes, this *precise* space right HERE on your screen, yup - this one ;-)
for next week's topic.

Cheers,

Your Humble Dead Humorist --

Vida.
vida@direct.ca

From bakofpak@gte.nrt@gte.net Mon Dec  8 07:56:42 1997
Date: Tue, 15 Jul 1997 22:22:54 -0700
From: "Michael A. Musca" <"bakofpak@gte.nrt"@gte.net>
To: drs 
Subject: BACK OF THE PACK - My Daughter the Czech

I've received several requests to resubmit a little piece called that I
submitted a few weeks back. I would've responded off-line but lost
several addresses of requestors.

So, here goes:

 BACK OF THE PACK                     Michael A. Musca
 (My Daughter the Czech)              (July 1997)

 I'm a runner.  I'm a racer.
 My clothes are baggy, they weren't designed to fit 5 ft. 10 in. / 150
lb. men;
 My wardrobe doesn't include jangly jewelry that would rub, scrape, or
 chafe my skin on a long run;
 My simple haricut withstands wind, salt air, rain, and two or there
 showers a day;
 My work shoes seem cumbersome - they weigh more than 7 oz.
 My t-shirt conglomeration rivals my son's hot Wheels collection;
 My wristwatch has 7 functions and a 50 lap memory (I wanted the 100 lap
 model but I'm too cheap);
 My calendar is encumbered with workout schedules, race dates and
mileage totals;

 I'm a runner.  I'm a racer.
 When injured I'll perform any other exercise to remain aerobically fit;
 Well almost anything except that goofy powerwalking thing;
 A three-minute ESPN boradcast of the Helsinki 10,000 meter race is a
 major weekend highlight (even though shown at 2 a.m.)
 I search the sports pages for the 5,000 meter results of obscure
 Eurpoean races;
 I'm the only person on my block who subscribes to Track & Field News;
 I set three alarm clock to awaken at 5 a.m. and avoid the heat on
Sunday long runs;
 I travel hundreds of miles and pay $50+ for self-inflicted torture of
26 miles;
then I do it again the next year;

I'm a runner.  I'm a racer.
 When friends ask, "How ya doin'?"  I respond with my weekly mileage.
 On family drives I calculate odometer readings for possible new running
 routes;
 Then upon discovering a new hill, I ponder how many repititons I could
 do;

 I'm a runner.  I'm a racer.
 Each season has a unique purpose;
 Winter is for a distance base;
 Spring is marathon season;
 Summer is speed work and races;
 Fall is cross country;

 I'm a runner.  I'm a racer.
 I still get butterflies in my stomach when I step on a track;
 Repeat miles are the true test of fitness;
 1600 meter and 3200 meter high school racing distances are stupid
ideas;
 Given sufficient training time, I could break the 4 minute mile
barrier;
 Pigs will then grow wings and fly;

 I'm a runner.  I'm a racer.
 I have a collection of race bib #'s that have no $ value but are
 priceless to me;
 I have a collection of postage stamp size race photos of myself in
 various races;
 I've never purchase a larger sized version of the race photos because I
 look like tortured road-kill in all of them;

 I'm a runner.  I'm a racer.
 When I travel the first items I pack are running shoes and shorts;
 My closest and dearest friends are those I've met through running;
 My closest and dearest friends and I rarely discuss running, it's a
bond that ties;

 I'm a runner.  I'm a racer.
 I wish Jim Ryun had won a gold medal;
 I have a "Go Pre" poster in my office;
I can tell you the 1964 Tokyo games fourth place marathon finisher, his
 time and bib number;
 I lost the argument with my wife to name our second child "Emil
Zatopek"
 (she's now a beautiful red-haired 6 year old);

 I'm a runner.  I'm a racer.

 Michael A. Musca
 bakofpak@gte.net
 Ventura, California, USA

From feuchta@gbvaxa.uwgb.edu Sun Dec  7 19:06:04 1997
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 1997 13:17:50 -0500 (CDT)
From: Ultranaut 
To: Dead Runners Mind 
Subject: Re: State of the Wold

On Fri, 7 Nov 1997, Dave Anderson wrote:

*************************************************************************
 She may be :-)  But looking at this post a more important question
 arises.  Note the subject which is mysteriously missing a letter 'r'.
 Now this letter *was* there at one point.  Is it coincidence that it
 disappeared when posted by Miss Mostly Consonents? :-))))
************************************************************************

I propose that the sheer magnitude of mass represented by the consonants
in Tracey's name is creating its own gavitational pul and suking rando
cosonants fom unsuspecing wods.

Tracey Grrzlegcomnrrrtczyk
         l
  S
 ee!!!  I to d you!

                   h
         t
  r             c

Fea  the wra h of the bla k  ole!

    d       t
        h       G
c                    t
      x           B          t     d
  t         B            b              w
        v              g                        h

______________________________________________________________________________
| __/\__       "you  onsole wi h          |  An rea Feuc t,  reen  ay WI USA |
| \    /            wha  you e tol"       |----- feuch a@g vaxa.u gb.e u ----|
|  |/\|                  -L CT            | ht p://gb axa.uw b.edu/~feuc ta  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!